Humiliation, Indignity, and now, Torture.

I am SO humiliated!

We went to see the oncologist on Monday to see if I'm gonna make it for a few months more. She looks like she should be in high school. The hospital is new and huge. The staff are nice but it's still a scary place. We left home at 7 in the morning. I slept most of the way. I'm still not eating as well as mom would like but that canned food has no flavor. Y U C K!

The first person we met was the Grief Counselor! This upset mom a great deal and all she could think of was that there was No Hope! Then the student vet came in. She's very nice. Then the oncologist came in. Like I said, she's very young. She laid out a lot of treatment options and discussed my type of cancer. Lymphoma is more common in dogs but mine is in my intestines and is less common. Also the prognosis to live to a ripe old age is not so good.But for now I am in a clinical trial for a drug called L-Asparaginase or Elspar for short. This means there is no cost for the drug and I have to go back fairly often to be tested to see how my ammonia levels are doing.

It seems like every time I turn around someone is sticking something in me. These people are obsessed with my blood and my temperature. If I'm sitting I don't dare stand up. Isn't that fun!

Mom had a lot of information to process and she had to leave me for the afternoon so they could do another ultrasound (more cold gooey stuff on my tummy) and other tests. Mom went off to get the tire on the car fixed. The repairman said there was no nail but dirt had gotten between the rim and the tire and that caused the slow leak. Mom said, "learn something new every day."

Then she called some friends, Pat and Fred. Pat was out of town but Fred was home so she went to see him and they had ice cream. Fred is the only other person mom knows who also likes to drink beer with ice cream. They didn't have any beer that afternoon but they have on other occasions. Fred had to run errands so mom went back to the hospital to wait.

When they brought me out I had a big blue flower around my neck. The vet said I was picking at my incision too much and they were afraid of infection. Well, how else is a dog to clean a wound except by licking?? I don't like the flower. I can't see my legs or feet and I don't know where I'm going. I walk into things. This is not fun!

I'm stuck and I can't see my feet - how can you expect me to go down this step?

Mom helped me into the car so we could drive home. I got on my bed and went right to sleep even with that silly flower on my head. I sleep a lot these days. Mom says sleeping is good for healing and I have a lot of healing to do.

Smokey had to stay by himself all day - except mom's friend Jane stopped by to visit with him for awhile. She said he was fine. I think he puts on a big show about being left out and once we leave he just goes to sleep.

We had to go back really early on Tuesday for more bloodwork. We got up around 3:30 and were on the road by 4:45 in the dark. Smokey went with us because I would not have to stay long.

I think he got bored with the drive after awhile. I slept but he kept watch. When we got to the hospital they put us in a little room and we waited. Then they took me away and Smokey cried. Mom said it would be OK and I would come back soon. Then the nutritionist came in and talked to mom about what I should eat. I've lost more weight - from 35 lbs to 26 lbs! I'm looking really thin and mom is worried because I'm not eating my special diet any longer. She says I have to eat to get strong to fight the cancer. But that canned stuff is icky and too bland. No More Jello! I try to push Smokey out of the way so I can eat his dry food so can't mom understand that is what I want? The nutritionist said it was OK to let me eat dry food if that was what I wanted. YAY!

I get to eat real food!

We left the hospital and got home around Noon. Right away, mom gave me a 1/4 C of dry food and I scarfed it right down. Oh, it tasted so good and it was wonderful to have something in my tummy. I thought she was trying to starve me to death! Then mom sat down and I got into her lap and we slept for about 4 hours. She didn't put that flower on my head. When I moved to lick my incision mom woke up and made me stop. She gave me a little peanut butter at 5 o'clock because I had to have my anti-nausea pill. I love peanut butter. Smokey got some too but he didn't have a pill. I got another 1/4 C of food at 6 o'clock. Then mom put the flower on my head and went to Publix to get some medicine for me. I think I'm going to be taking a lot of pills and that means a lot of peanut butter. YUM!

Mom made me wear that silly flower when we went to bed last night. I still had it on when she checked me at 3:30 but I managed to get it off later. hehhehhheh.
Our life is a little different now. I think Smokey is a little confused but he is dealing pretty well with it. The biggest thing is that we no longer have free access to the yard. We can't go out with out mom. And she watches everything I do! I mean I can't squat to pee or sniff anything without her watching and it's always, "No, grass, Sierra!"  I have no privacy.

We did get to take a short walk in the evening. I have no muscle tone at all. I used to have such firm muscles but the weight loss coupled with not eating has turned my muscles to mush. Smokey is probably also losing muscle tone - he's eating too much and not running like he used too. Now that I'm eating again, mom says we can take some short walks to help us all. That will be nice because sniffing the same old places in the yard is b o r i n g!

We have to go back to Gainesville this afternoon for me to be evaluated again. If they are happy then I will get my first dose of chemotherapy. There may be some side effects like nausea or diarrhea but I hope not. Anyway, there are pills I can take. The big thing to watch out for is that my pee and poop will be radioactive! This means I won't get to go out with Smokey. I'll go in the side yard and Smokey will have to go in the front or back yard. Mom will have to pick up my poop. 

Maybe I'm supposed to be a Triceratops. Or a caped crusader.